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 @:­¼; e"h0)¼— ªÍÁ JO¨!OÞ  ‘°O.$FÅ{ €I&Ä3tBƒðþéÎï ˜TÂiw~?ôE€ ­²½WÊÖ_  ²)[.[ÉÃZy¿'ò~|  ª%ïàœ÷ãS Âã|TíýVµç TGÕBå8ŸoÕ~·ìG€¨žQ¾æEz?©/  _‘‚ì(ûR¤çɈ    1“o¯ñ¨ß7Þ—  ŒÃ¨Ãï(î_`Ÿ`‚Ðäök:Ìû+âû­ˆ} ¨²"ÐaöiØϯˆ¿/ú$œL†a½ŽÃ¸ŸQ½§¼W Ĩ‚ì0îwX}ÖKNè)¯¼ÃtÞ?lEê @)\æºó~|r"””K^¡¸ßÇôáñyòû  zЯÃÔû¹°^!vòËaܕɻŸçý 0^EžØ-ëmÇØõ‚^Škœ¡7Ëöãïøý¨½  ãVô8hÿFÂÇð‡q[FD¸(žq'O»m‘ƒû¨ï¯¬ü  z­½òž}A|”á~ÐÛ1væ‹cÔCчÊGð¹Mž÷ Àè2DŽr˜yšíŠÖõZò7Ê;¬°Ýk›QVÚû½Í ü]  ŒÇ¸CaÂx^¡~Û0$‚H~F5$|Ð0]†À>ÈíÆ¡È} ¦"‡¹qùîµí0Âö0#ËvýnÏã7Š`>ÊP>ŽÀß϶üm‘Mêó ò3©Ák\¦2P#¬êfç|†Ì    îýò"TçÓšÄ÷ö$>' `<&1dóûÁó
 

<Thank you all for reading and providing me with gracious feedback :)

I have taken your words into consideration and I’m now shaping what I continue to do on Imperial Gaming; not to appease myself but to make everyone else happy, so thank you

As many have noticed I have removed the link for the short story I wrote regarding some RP I did in the previous night; this is for good reason. In the coming days I will also delete this post (If possible)

I look forward to my future Roleplaying and doings on Imperial Gaming

-Hideyoshi
A fellow member of Imperial Gaming :) >

 

Edited by Hideyoshi
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I usually enjoy backstories, but this was hard to read my guy, need to make the font larger in the actual 'story' part rather than focusing on anime pictures.

But that's my opinion.

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the way you have jammed japanese weeb sounding sh*t into this just ruined it all. you could have replaced a few words and be talking about a totally different time period and i couldnt have been able to tell

it reads like one of those word jumble games from primary school, and after reading it i left remembering nothing and feeling nothing

this is bad and i will not lie to you about that

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The above opinion is not constructive criticism. I would like to provide some which can help you.

Some backstory behind and lead up to this identity theft would be appreciated. It appears to be an event which just happens and tears down all of the writing that comes before it very abruptly, which is not easy to read. You've over-described the protagonist's average intelligence rather than delving into this identity theft the character is faced with and the jump he takes. 

Overall, good potential, but the overly emphasised Japanese vibe is confusing for a Star Wars story and there needs to be more balanced descriptions of situations. I'm not usually critical of others' backstories but because I see potential in your writing, I just want to point it out.

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Thank you all for reading and providing me with gracious feedback :)

I have taken your words into consideration and I’m now shaping what I continue to do on Imperial Gaming; not to appease myself but to make everyone else happy, so thank you

As many have noticed I have removed the link for the short story I wrote regarding some RP I did in the previous night; this is for good reason. In the coming days I will also delete this post (If possible)

I look forward to my future Roleplaying and doings on Imperial Gaming

-Hideyoshi

A fellow member of Imperial Gaming :) 

Edited by Hideyoshi
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47 minutes ago, Hideyoshi said:

Thank you all for reading and providing me with gracious feedback :)

I have taken your words into consideration and I’m now shaping what I continue to do on Imperial Gaming; not to appease myself but to make everyone else happy, so thank you

As many have noticed I have removed the link for the short story I wrote regarding some RP I did in the previous night; this is for good reason. In the coming days I will also delete this post (If possible)

I look forward to my future Roleplaying and doings on Imperial Gaming

-Hideyoshi

A fellow member of Imperial Gaming :) 

Good work my mans, I didnt mind the story, its just the main focus on the whole anime setup kind of threw me off, was very hard to read.

Keep up the work though, I'm sure you'll get to something you and everyone else enjoys.

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