Depression is something that is incredibly hard to fix but the best thing to do is to reach out to others. I had a close friend that hung himself back in september. I don't know what was going through his mind but if he had reached out to someone things could've changed. With this and other things I've never been the same and like you I just sit around most the day listening to music and if I had an easy access to drinks my liver would be f**ked. I know I'd never commit suicide but sometimes you think about it. Though I know that it just hurts for everyone else. You don't see what happens after you die but looking at the aftermath of my friends death was just so painful for so many more people i just can't imagine doing that to them. I guess what i'm trying to say is you can choose to effect a lot of people in a bad way. Or just allow people to affect you in a good way. There's always someone that wants to help.
I'm crap at writing stuff like this but if anyone needs help please talk to someone about it. Thanks for opening up Helsing, I hope things brighten up for you soon.