SCHEFF

I Need a Break...

6 posts in this topic

Hey guys, this is basically a continuation of this post.

As you might know, I've been going through a bit of hardships lately, concerning the deaths of two people I was close to, one being one of my beloved primary school teachers and the other afterwards being my aunty. Their deaths, understandably, hit me very hard but came at a time where things have been extremely stressful surrounding all aspects of my life, whether it be personal, social and school life. Over the last half year, there has been this big pile of crap which has been piling up in my mind and it's been closing in on me. I've even started going to therapy for all of this, which is something I never envisioned myself doing. I'm a very deep thinker and I honestly don't have a lot of space in my brain to think, process and deal with a lot of the stuff which has been presented to me, which has led to me recently making a few bad decisions.

 

I've been having continuing internet problems for the last week or so which has meant that I have been unable to go onto the server and do all of my numerous duties as staff, Media Team and second in command of Government, those in themselves having workloads I have to manage separately. In light of this, I have decided to finally play a bit of Skyrim which my boy @pinejack gave me too long ago and, to cut a long story short, I have become very invested in it, but not in the best of ways. I have been staying on my computer for unhealthy lengths of time and going to bed early in the morning when I finally convince myself that the dungeon I just conquered was "the last one for tonight". It's gotten to the point where I have had eyes which have hurt from looking at the screen for so long, something which has rarely happened when I've played Garry's Mod, as well as being extremely tired and demotivated to do anything else but play Skyrim.

I think I have become so invested in Skyrim because it has allowed me to escape everything. I don't have to be social, which is an inherent weakness of mine, as well as keep up with all the responsibilities which come with playing on Imperial Gaming. Playing here is more of a job than a game, and I've been aware of this ever since my MHC Secretary days. I haven't felt this free in a long time and I've abused that and with that, myself, in the last couple of days, which has given me a wake up call. A wake up call that makes me feel weak and pathetic but one that I know is important nonetheless.

 

I'm in Year 12 and in the first week of holidays and I still haven't done anything towards work. I know it would be easy to load a Word or Premiere project and get stuck into work, but I've been distracted by literally everything else. The recent deaths, the dread of doing schoolwork, my responsibilities on Imperial Gaming, my heart problems, relationship issues with my friends which I've emotionally invested myself in, general social life and struggles plus much more which I know is buried in my mind. I have been starting to take steps of cutting or at least reducing certain things from my life so I can focus on more important things and, as much as I hate to admit it, Imperial Gaming and overall Garry's Mod and gaming is something I need to drastically reduce. It has been my second life for the last year and a half and been strong up until the last couple of months. Even as I went on yesterday after getting my internet fixed, I found myself overwhelmed by what was before me again and escaped back to Skyrim where then I stayed up playing it until 2am. I don't know what else to do.

I don't want to resign, that is still concrete to me but if I am being completely honest I think that concrete has a few cracks in it now. I still want to be a part of this community but I need to take a break from it entirely, just until I can get everything sorted out in my life and I have gotten to the point where I have stopped digging myself deeper and deeper into this mental pit of bad. It sucks being entirely self-aware of what's going on but not having clear cut answers to how to fix it, which is so frustrating. I just think I need an extended break; No Media Team stuff, no Government stuff, but I'll still come for staff meetings if I'm able. I don't know how long this will last for, but my guess it will be for two weeks or maybe a bit longer, just so I can sort things out and get stuff back together so I can work through it.

 

I hope you all understand. Message me if you want more details, I'm happy to clarify or tell more, because I know that the way I write is confusing sometimes. I'm sorry if this causes any issues in any of the groups I'm associated with (which it most certainly will), I just need those responsibilities taken out of my hands and I will be happy to take them back when I am ready to.

See you all later.

Edited by SCHEFF

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9 minutes ago, Long_Night_of_Solace said:

Don't you worry about a thing, you just rest and figure out whats best for yourself and how to move on from this, we're all here to help.

+1 - We all love you buddy, but yourself always comes first. 

As Archer said, we're all here to help ❤️✌️

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At least now you can come to the conclusion that balance is the best school with no competition ❤️

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You've gotta take care of yourself Scheff, we can try and help but ultimately only you can do it

Take as much time as you need and more..You're always welcome here

Goodluck with Year 12

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