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SCHEFF

Some Changes...

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Hey guys, this will be a big ramble which probably will not look very nice but I have to put my thoughts down here in some way, so please mind that.

 

As some of you know, I went to a funeral yesterday for my beloved Aunty. Since then, I have been in a very different place in my mind, a mind full of feelings and thoughts that I have not had before or let surface. I have been very confused by a multitude of things - how my aunty died, how I was affected emotionally and how everything else connects together with each other (far too much to describe). I am naturally a very deep thinker and I have had the time to think about all of this and process at least some of it. I have also had conversations with my mum to try and sort through my thoughts and, what is most important to me, give me a reality check.

I am terrible at properly assessing what is going on with myself because I prioritise and put my energy into other people and with that never give myself a chance to cool off or sort through my problems. I have always found it difficult to fit in with others because of my limited or at least different social capacity. As such, I have taken up the role as a mini-therapist and problems' solver for my friends - the person who knows how to fix problems while never dealing with those problems to the same degree themselves. I have put a lot of energy into my friends and attempted to solve a lot of their issues and as such have drained myself over the course of three years of having these friends, to the point now where I have lost a lot of motivation in my school studies, which is especially bad since I am currently in Year 12 and need to focus more than ever. But as I found out yesterday when I was telling those same people about my problems is that they don't give that same energy back to me to help me. This does not mean I will abandon those relationships but that I need to be more conservative with them in the future and as such need to focus on myself more.

On Imperial Gaming, as Senior Moderator for the staff team and Deputy Secretary for the Regional Government, my job is to sort out and help other people with (mostly) their impersonal issues, such as conducting and marking tests, having meetings with people to sort out their confusion and roleplay problems and being there to support others who are being negatively affected by other people. I have been in the secretarial business on the server since July 4th 2017, only having a break from the 25th of January to 8th of May this year and been in the staff team since the 26th of June 2017. In total, I have been in the secretarial business for 8 and a half months and counting and been helping other people on Imperial Gaming in a staff sense for nearly a year. That is a lot of helping and therefore responsibility on top of my real life. I have figured out the reason I have stayed in these position for such a long time is because it is, in many ways, a mirror of my real life; it is relatable on so many levels.

 

I have sacrificed so much of myself for other people and have not given myself the time to 1. recuperate 2. deal with my own issues and 3. focus on my school studies. This is unhealthy and I need to change how I go about things.

As such, I will be ultimately decreasing my activity on the server but will still be more than happy to continue working on my other outside responsibilities for the server such as the Content Team and do paperwork for Regional Government like marking tests and so on like I usually would. I just cannot let these things overtake my real life responsibilities, which is something that I have affirmed to other people but ironically never took seriously myself. I will still come on but other things will finally come first. Do not confuse this with me resigning from the staff team or anything like that, there is no way I would let go of any of the positions that I have earned anytime soon.

 

I hope that you all will understand. This is a step in the right direction for me as a person and I need to start coming first in a lot of areas in my life. If you need me to clarify anything that I have said or want to know more, feel free to message me, I am open and honest.

Thank you.

Edited by SCHEFF
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I've never been amazing at replying to these types of threads, but if you need to talk to anyone I'll be here for you. 

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Chef, You are such a great community member as you always put people in front yourself which not many people can do - You help literally everyone so much and hearing that your beloved Aunty has sadly passed I can only say a few words to express myself... You deserve a break and to hopefully find something else that you are passionate for, We as a community will stand by you with your highs and lows and will always be here if you need help with anything..,

Personally, I had so much enjoyment when I had opportunities to do roleplay and I am hoping that I can live off that small legacy that you provided to me to other players so they can join our wonderful family here at IG. 

Once again, Thank you for dedicating your time to help us and make us stronger is RP and to boost our confidence as you did to most of us.

Sorry for you loss

-Sudo

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I understand what you are going thought, I recently lost my Grandmother to cancer a few weeks ago and its been hard for me but I've always known this outcome was going to happen so I prepared my self emotionally for it which has really helped with what happened, as in regards to being social I'm in a very similar boat, I always found myself to be a middle man in regards to social groups or friends and end up being that friend who wants to listen and try to help others out while not getting that sort of help in return, being that person is never easy but I found it to be somewhat a rewarding experience as it helps me be a better person and to deal with other situations, I'm here for you and so is the rest of the community, take what time you need, we'll be waiting here for you.....

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I'm sure your Aunty was a great person, Take as long as you need, You deserve it.

I personally lost my Grandmother a couple months ago and at that point, It was a really dark time for myself.

So you're not alone and if you ever need to talk to someone, I'm always free.

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Chef you are a fantastic person and you dont need to feel any personal obligation to the server, Im sure everyone understands exactly what you are going through and can respect why you are doing so. I've been through similar experiences myself of close family members passing away and I know how much of a toll it can have on your thoughts and overall wellbeing. So from that I just want you to fully understand 2 things, Alot of people have been through a similar thing, and from the comment a few people in our community too, so we know how you are feeling and want you to know that you can always reach out to us if you wanted to talk about anything, and 2, It definitely may not seem like it now but things will, and always do, become better. 

2 quotes from the bible that I always like to read when im upset are the following:

Psalm, 34: 18 : "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

and Corinthians, 1 : 3-4  (Properly spelt that wrong) : " Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."

 

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